Friday, February 22, 2013

7:30 AM and My Day Is Already Shitty

It's 7:15 AM, and your phone starts shouting. Like literally, wake up... french toast... shake it. It's some stupid app to make you wake up. So I shout, "Vasili! Turn it off!" To which you eventually start to shake it... stupidily remark "hey babe can you make french toast?"... shake it... finally making it quiet... Then lay back in bed.

NOW I'm frustrated and angry I woke up 15 minutes before I had to. Then you start clicking the iPhone keys right next to my head, as I attempt to fall back asleep. I shout "SHUTUP", and then you tell ME to "shutup".


15 minutes later. Still angry. You're sleeping by this point.

It's 7:30 AM and my day is already off to a shitty start.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Give me a cigarette

..Talking on phone with friend...

I'm folding your clothes. I look up at you in awe. Respond, "Ask me nicely".


"What happened to the pack I gave you yesterday?"

Fights back with me.

"Vasili, it's in the SAME place it always is. Because I never lose things." (in my coat left pocket). He takes it, walks out the door, still talking to his friend.

No Thank You. Nothing.

Clean What?

I had a bad day because I got out of work late and I didn't make it to Jamaica. Now I'm seriously fucked. I still make time to go out of my way and get groceries for the both of us.

I come home... WITH A BIG BAG OF GROCERIES.. and you're sitting there. On the couchy. Like a lazy fat ass. Watching Breaking Bad.

The house.. is exactly how I left it. Sushi wrappers everywhere, a new take out box just laying there. Ketchup on the table. Forks, plates, bowls, everything just laying there... Within one foot of your body. It's just laying there.

You don't even notice I come in. Notice that the timing shows that I didn't make it to Jamaice. Notice that I came home with food.

I stare at you a little bit. Then politely ask, "When your show is done, can you help me clean up?"... No response. "Did you hear me?" "Huh?" So I repeat. Your response, "Clean what?" As if there isn't a bag of bread OPENED on the stove. The remains of my swiss cheese (that I so dearly craved and saved for myself) sitting on the stove for 2 DAYS.

Show finishes, I'VE STILL BEEN DOING DISHES FOR 40+ MINUTES. "Vasili can you come help me?" 5 minutes... You get up. Shove bread on fridge. Throw wrapper. Go to bathroom.

The recycling bin is STILL laying out there from when you had a hissy fit last week and threw all the tools on the ground. The bag is broke and we can't put the recycling bin back unless we move all the tools to a new bag. I find a new bag... put it next to it. And ask you to put tools in new bag so we can put recycling back.

I check later... The tools were haphazardly thrown into the bag (Still many on the bottom of the cabinet), and the bag is now in the recycling bin.

Absolutely worthless.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Sleeping Pissed

I'm super tired and I go to bed early. You see me IN BED.. turn the lights on.. And have the audacity to ask me to GET OUT OF BED.. go downstairs and get your laundry. Because... WHY?! And you were so adamant that you MAKE ME DO IT or ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Going to sleep pissed off...

Fuck You and Your Knicks Tickets

I bought Knicks tickets for your birthday, hoping to surprise you with this whole shpeel of meeting me after work, going out to a fake "dinner", and BAM Knicks game!

But I didn't realize it was a Saturday... Especially when you started talking about going out the Saturday before to a club. Maybe you wanted to do something that Saturday? Maybe you wanted to make plans? So I caved and I told you.

Granted, I was very dissapointed in myself. So I started out with... I'm sorry... I can resell them... We can do something more fun... I don't even remember what team they are playing... I feel bad. And you stood there... outside the laundry smoking a cigarette... You stood there.

Told me my idea was stupid and basically just acted like it was nothing. NOT EVEN A THANK YOU? Or "it's okay babe. it's the thought that counts"... Okay. Fuck you and your tickets then.

Magical Laundry Fairy

You force me to help you carry the basket of laundry downstairs.. because it's too much to carry. I tell you that I always do it.. And your response, as always is, THAT I NEVER DO ANYTHING.

How do I know how many loads of laundry your particular laundry basket holds?! Maybe that means I've done it before! Multiple times! And I ALWAYS CARRY IT MYSELF. Up.. and.. Down. Never asking you for help because GOD FORBID.

You've never done laundry once. Has your clothes magically been brought up and down the stairs and washed and folded by an invisible fairy?

For the official record... It has ALWAYS BEEN ME.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Door Open + Window Open

I go to the bathroom to pee. The doors open, along with the window (because I showered). Super freezing cold going into the apartment.

After I pee, I go "Vasili, either leave the door open with window closed, or window open with door closed."

Angrily, you respond "Well close the fucking window. You opened it"... Yes, because I showered and I needed the steam to get out.

We banter back and forth... AS IF THERE IS EVEN AN ARGUMENT! No, I will not close the window if I just took a shower. YES you should close the door then if the window's open.

Like, are you retarded? And to fight me on this?